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Am I impulsive? YES.
Am I crazy? Have to be.
Am I successful? That is yet to be seen.
WHY? Is the biggest question that probes every would-be blogger.
Why put myself out there?
Why would I pay to put myself out there?
Why am I so scared out of my wits?
Why am I so sure that if I try hard enough I will be successful?
Knowing the answers to each of these questions does not make the terror go away. This is something that absolutely no one in my life has ever done: Creating something out of nothing.
Well in actuality I am not really working from absolutely nothing because of everything I have been through. Every challenge I met has left me with more knowledge than I ever thought possible. Being on Autoimmune Protocol for these past few years has provided random facts that others find interesting.
When I discuss the topic of AIP the reactions I receive from people are from amazed to amused. People often say that I should be a nutritionist or a chef. I do not know what else I can do with information except share it through this blog and see how it goes.
My research on blogging itself has equated to months and months of google searches, Pinterest pins, and YouTube videos. I was almost paralyzed by the overload of information. Part of me wanted to wait until next year in 2019 to do this, but the rest of me really wanted to do it now.
Why is my crazy heart set on this when I barely have any money? I guess it derives from all of the encouragement on my various YouTube channels screaming this unanimous cheer for me to focus on something and pull my life back together.
My life has always been a bit of a mess but 2017 was a Tornado meets Hurricane meets Blizzard kind of mess. Officially I have hit rock bottom which has not been so bad actually. Like I did before I went to College I have made my life right now just as simple, actually I put more strategic thought into my life now since I have no transportation and I am making less than I did before I went to College.
Despite the less than desirable circumstances I am not as miserable as others wish I would be. I am content and even happier pouring my energy into this blog and the prospect of seeing what happens.
It is funny how randomly things happen and come together in life. That is why I love classic movies where they have the big cast of characters and so many storylines going on at once with so many random scenes. You wonder “How is this going to end?” and when you see at the very end how every character, how every random scene had to do with the end it all finally makes sense.
My random scene before deciding to blog was that I got sick.
I got sick in more than just the literal since. I got sick of the office politics, of the bottom line, of the fakeness, and of the lies. This sickness took over both my work and personal life. I knew I did nothing wrong but everyone was treating me like I did. Thinking about it now I felt like in that scene in Oliver Twist when he was being put up to asking for more gruel. The thing is that I am no Oliver Twist.
“No sir, I do not want some more.”
It took me a while to figure out what was going on but now I am beginning to see why this happened for me. You can call it pride, you can call it naiveté, but I know there is more to my life than this moment at rock bottom. In some random way maybe it was leading me to this blog. If things had worked out like they were supposed to then I would never have this blog, but here I am and here it is.
Then I got sick, literally.
Within the last two weeks of 2017 I got laryngitis for the first time in my life. It was when I was rendered speechless that hit me:
“I am going to start my blog”
Occasionally I was feverish and slept when I was overwhelmingly tired, but the rest of the time I felt okay enough to work. At first I typed up my first few blog posts and wrote down my recipes, then when I was free from the bed I cooked and photographed them. Maybe it was the fever but I kept at it until I had my first 20 posts.
Teachers have told me I am a born writer, did I believe them?
In elementary, middle, high school and college I have been told this by at least one of my teachers/professors. Ever since I was young I always thought that if I was such a great writer that I would have a score of awards, but often the times when I received that compliment about being a born writer it was when I was writing purely because I felt like it.
Whenever I was intentionally submitting my story for an actual competition it never received any recognition, it was only when teachers would take it upon themselves to submit my work when I was not looking that I was acknowledged.
I guess I will chalk it up to being overwhelmed by expectations. People always like to put pressure on you and it is so unnecessary, I prefer to do my own thing and let other people find out about it later. Though I do like attention I do not keenly desire the spotlight.
Despite not knowing whether I will be successful or not, doing this has been fun. Other people have set the bar high as far as blogging goes and I would like to be a bar setter myself in this niche of AIP. Recognition may never be lavished on me and oddly enough I feel okay with that. In this moment I feel as though I really accomplished something.
Are you a blogger or a reader?
How do you feel about my blog so far?