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I have been bad.
Fallen off the wagon is an understatement. Failing Autoimmune Protocol once again is always somewhat disappointing.
My family members would shake their head as they saw me eating and drinking regular food, they would say:
“I thought you were being good!”
What could I say?
Well I will tell you what I did say:
“No. I’m being bad right now.”
Part of me was proud of it actually because a few months ago I was really losing too much weight.
My skin was beginning to flab and sag on my arms and thighs, which I did not like it at all.
To be simply put there was no time for exercise. Even if there was there was still a concern about my size once again anyway.
My favorite size thus far has been a woman size 12. Once I get to a size 10 and especially to single digits I begin to lose my curves and that is not okay for me.
Now however those curves are practically bursting at the seams.
To keep up my terrible eating habits as of late means that I will easily catapult from a from the size 16 I am now, in need of buying a whole new wardrobe all over again.
That is not going to be an option.
Those of you that have read my posts regarding weight loss may recall that my body change snuck up on me.
It took an incredibly long time but I finally recognize and become more comfortable with my new body.
Now though I have become accustomed to sizes that have a “1” as the first digit rather than a “2”, and refuse to see my body in anything with a number in front of an “X” again.
Even now as I return to AIP, this time is different.
This time I am going to admit to doing it mainly because of my weight.
As my age creeps up I know that it is only a matter of time before my body truly goes downhill in a way that I cannot control.
Despite gaining a little of my weight back I can still run around and retain a decent fitness level.
The challenges to make the best of autoimmune protocol without succumbing to temptations is still there. At the moment I am going through a sort of sugar withdrawal, but i know it will be over with soon if I stay firm these next seven days.
My largest hurdle is yet to come.
That hurdle is a recurring one that happens to be on a monthly basis, a cruel fate that every woman must encounter in order to one day have children.
In order to be strong there is going to be a game plan to find suitable replacements in order for me to not fully suffer.
Those cravings happen to be for chocolate and chicken wings, both of which are suitable kryptonite to my endeavor to remain on autoimmune protocol.
Persistence is key.
Now I must be back with a vengeance for real this time, because my illness certainly is.
My scars from Hidradenitis Suppurativa have now spread to my neck and quadrupled on my shoulders and arms.
There is sadness when I see them, and pain as I touch a recently popped up area. Still, I chose to disregard that in order to eat fast food and junk.
Weakness is what it is after all, but instead of hating myself over it I choose to see it in a more positive light.
People see weakness as an end.
They witness your moment of weakness and decide to write you off.
Weakness is a reminder.
Without weakness there is nothing to strengthen.
Now I know better.
To be strong again with autoimmune protocol means admitting when I am weak.
Knowing that you need to be better and to do better helps drive you further than you would if you had never bothered to make a mistake.
Being back in the good graces of AIP feels great, my body is so happy.
My intestines no longer rumble and grumble mean words to me after each meal.
My Skin has a glow that was dimmed while I indulged in sugary products.
My sleep is completely peaceful without weird and random dreams.
It is amazing how my body gives non-subtle hints that I need to get back on autoimmune protocol.
Before I never heard them. I was completely oblivious.
Now it is like my body is nagging me constantly.
I know it is because my body cares so I will just give in and pretend that I do not miss pizza.
(Who am I kidding- I never pretend that)
But it is all okay be cause my body wants what is best for me.
To be honest before today I wanted to give it all up.
The healthy eating, blog, hopes, and dreams.
Something deep inside kept telling me not to.
If I quit then it all disappears.
Every idea I got excited about, every letter I typed, and every minute my legs were warmed by my laptop.
It would all be wasted.
At this point this blog seems like a hobby.
Hopefully one day it will be much more than that.
My goal with posts is to not have such self-centered ones like this one.
After all I am here to help you and not just jabber on about myself.
If you still see the merit in the blog despite this- mission accomplished.
That is what I am here for.
At the end of the day I just want to help.
Whether that means entertaining you with my silly antics, or helping you enjoy a meal from among my recipes, or helping you to see what not to do after reading about my epic failures, then I am game.
To be honest at the moment there are few blogs that I follow. Instagram and YouTube are my biggest social media time fillers, and the people that are on there are absolutely amazing.
Their posts are so inspiring and helped add a whole new perspective to my life.
That is what I want to add to your life.
A new perspective.
Well I am back.
Back with a vengeance.
You are going to see a lot more of me.